You know what’s crazy?
Everyone thought I would fail.
They thought “Oh, Carter lives by herself now? The house will probably be a mess, she won’t do laundry, she won’t eat right, she won’t pay her bills,” etc etc etc…
Well, guess who is not only living by herself but also THRIVING by herself…
Me. That would be me 😁
As I am writing this something just hit me…the world we live in is going downhill, FAST…yet, I finally feel like I am going uphill. Isn’t that something?
Im not only writing this blog, but I am also writing a novel that has a main character who is Deaf (I am super excited to share with ya’ll), I work at a farm everyday as “rent” for my place on it, I train grappling five days a week, and I house sit for people when I can.
Wow…
Now that I’m thinking about it, from the time I wake up, 3:30-4am, to the time I go to bed, 8-9pm, I’m constantly working in some way…You’d think I wouldn’t struggle daily to make ends meet 😅
I digress…moving on. Let’s talk about the title of this post: “My Silent Wish”.
There’s a pretty popular show that was on TV called “Switched at Birth”, if you haven’t heard of it, it’s about two girls who were born on the same day and literally switched at birth by the nurses at the hospital. The two girls are very different and their lives are very different as well. To add to that, one is hearing and one is Deaf. I am a big fan of this show and it holds a special place in my heart.
It came out in 2011 when I was in high school and of course my school didn’t offer ASL (American Sign Language) as an elective, only Spanish and French. My sister and I were watching Switched At Birth at the time and we wanted to learn sign language. FYI…the internet in 2011 was not the same as it is now and we didn’t have cell phones with Lingvano, ASL Bloom, ASL Pocket Sign, The ASL App, and all the apps you can now download to learn ASL. I’m currently using Lingvano and I was lucky enough to find an ASL group that I meet with once a week to sign with each other.
In 2011…that wasn’t a thing. I learned a little by watching the first season of Switched At Birth. I was obsessed with the girl Daphne who was Deaf because I could relate to her.
Yes her character/personality did change throughout the show but in the beginning, she was kind, generous, brave, and everyone liked her. Her smile and nose scrunch always made me laugh because that’s actually something that I do!
Season two comes around and I swear if it wasn’t the same actress, I wouldn’t know it was Daphne. My sister and I stopped watching after season one because the character did a complete 180 and was suddenly the polar opposite of who she was in season one. I’ve never finished past the first few episodes of season two, but I still love the show because for me, it doesn’t exist after season one and Daphne and Wilkie are end game 😂 as well as Bay and Emmet 😁
But while I was watching season one, a thought…just an inkling that didn’t last for more than a millisecond…entered my mind - “I wish I had been born Deaf.” The thought passed faster than most of my thoughts, vanishing into the back of my mind. I don’t even think I was talking to God in particular, but He heard me and well He answered (or was it the devil?).
I didn’t even recall this silent “wish” of mine until months after I’d left the hospital.
Yes, you read that right…months after I’d gone d/Deaf and was discharged, I remembered.
God definitely works in mysterious ways and I will say that till I’m blue in the face because He truly does, and I am proof of that. I say I made a wish, because I would’t call it a prayer.
I believe in the power of prayer. This was not something I prayed for, if I had…I would admit it. I just thought Daphne was cool and it was a random thought that crossed my mind.
I never thought, in a million years, I would contract an autoimmune so rare that doctors don’t have any known medication for it…one that specifically targets your hearing.
I am fortunate that it doesn’t impede any of the other things I LOVE doing - running, lifting, weights, horseback riding, martial arts, etc. Don’t get me wrong, there was a time that it did (almost a year) but I am here today doing the things I love to do despite this “disability.”
*FYI in a later blog I will explain the other things that hit and do still affect me to this day
I’m not trying to boast or say that I believe I’m better or stronger than anyone - actually if you know me as a person, I struggle a lot with believing in myself. Jessica Young is probably sick of babying me through my issues…LOL.
I’m pointing this out because I want you to know that it is one hundred percent possible to work through things that are meant to destroy you, and there’s a lot of different things people go through that feel like the “end” but they aren’t. For example, it could be a sickness, a breakup, loss of a loved one, your child could have been born with a disability, someone in your life is struggling with cancer, you could be struggling financially…we all struggle in some way. I just want you to know that anything that is meant to bring you down is fightable and you can win.
I also want to point out that I am not here saying everything you wish for/pray for will be answered with a yes…I’ve gotten more no’s than yes’s. However, I survived and I am now on a path I feel matches my soul and aligns with God’s plan. I firmly believe God wants me to reach the Deaf Community. My hope is that I can find others who are struggling with things and show them a different perspective in this world.
Everyone has a purpose.
God’s plan for me just happened to start with my silent wish 🙏
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